Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one.

> > After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a ‘gripe sheet,’
> > which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.
> >
> > Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS ‘ pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.
By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.
> >
> > P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
> > S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
> > P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
> > S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
> > P: Something loose in cockpit
> > S: Something tightened in cockpit
> > P: Dead bugs on windshield.
> > S: Live bugs on back-order.
> > P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
> > P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
> > S: Evidence removed.
> > P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
> > S: DME volume set to more believable level.
> > P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
> > S: That’s what friction locks are for.
> > P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
> > S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
> > P: Suspected crack in windshield.
> > S: Suspect you’re right.
> > P: Number 3 engine missing.
> > S: Engine found on right wing after brief search
> > P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
> > S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
> > P: Target radar hums.
> > S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
> > P: Mouse in cockpit.
> > S: Cat installed.
> > And the best one for last
> > P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

AND THIS IS TRUE LOL

i thought the last 1 was well funny the rest were funny 2

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